Less than a month after I cracked my heart open and put into words the fears and discouragement of a summer of hoping and failing to get pregnant, with the testimonies of other women who were also waiting, many of them much, much longer, still echoing in my mind, one quiet early morning, I saw them, the thing I’d been dreaming about: two pink lines on my pregnancy test.
Just like that: pregnant.
And like the four other times, I got to see that little sign of tremendous blessing, I’m thrilled. But this time, it’s a sober joy, a realization that I do not deserve this baby, a knowledge that there are countless other women out there who, from a human perspective, are more deserving, women who would be better mothers, who have waited longer, suffered more. Like I said on Facebook last night, I did not understand the delay, and I cannot explain the blessing. God’s judgments are unsearchable and his ways past finding out (Romans 11:33). A relative asked me what this does to the family size predictions I was bemoaning in my post. What it has done is teach me to stop predicting. I am simply God’s slave. For a season, He decided that I could serve him best with four children, and now He’s decided I will serve Him best with five. I do not know what He will decide next. For the first time in my life, I think I have finally given my family planning up to the Lord. Not using birth control isn’t really the same as giving it to Him. I was still planning. I was planning on a houseful. Today, I am planning only on being a servant. A truly devoted servant is concerned with pleasing his Master, not necessarily with which job his Master will give him. In this pregnancy, and in all other areas of my life, may Jesus Christ be glorified.
This really blessed me…because of the lessons you are choosing to learn from it–and the lesson it is to me as well. What struck a chord with me is that not using birth control isn’t the same as giving it to God. Just being a willing servant–how beautiful! Thanks for sharing your life lessons.
Praise the Lord for this wonderful Blessing! You know I have been in the same boat, and these words you write are exactly what I want my prayer to be for my life. It’s easy to say I was not “planning”, by letting Him have control, but like you said, I really was…by planning a houseful and just expecting Him to go along with it. This has definitely been a learning experience for me also and may God be glorified through me as well, either with my four, or more. Bless you dear sister, I am truly so excited for you (without a twinge of jealousy praise God!).
Congratulations! It took me years to be satisfied with 3 children, but you put it so well, we are God’s slaves, not his masters.
If this were a Facebook status, I’d Like it.
Thanks for the inspiring thoughts. And congratulations!!
I must say, I was thrilled when I red that you were, once again, expecing a little one. It’s such a blessing to me to know that there are others out there that view children as a belessing from our hevenly Dad. I’m glad to hear that you’ve given your family planning to Him. Please keep us updated!
Paul Leavitt
A thousand congratulations and best wishes!!!! We are rejoicing with your family at this wonderful news. God is so good!!!
Blessings,
Luci
Congratulations!!!!!!
Congratulations!!! That is fantastic news!!
Congratulations!!! What a wonderful, exciting blessing. And truly wise words. Let the glory to be God, whatever our circumstances!
Congratulations!
Congratulations!!!!! So happy for you!
Praise Him! What a blessing!
I love your posts, God has used you to touch my heart. Thank you.
How wonderful!!! Congratulations…I’m so happy for you! That post you wrote really resounded with me as well, even though I’m still a very new mama (my little guy is only 8 1/2 months old).
We just found out that we’re pregnant with our second…the “due date” is April 29…when are you due?
Jessica,
I don’t have the special “date from the miwives’ nifty wheely due date calculator” yet, but I’d say around May 10th.
Oh congratulations! May the Lord bless you and your wee one.
Congratulations my dear! Hooray!
I like this post.
Congratulations! Praise God! Very special post that so many of us can learn from.
My husband had a vasectomy recently at 52 years old. We have four children, the last of whom is 21 months (oldest is 8). (We were late bloomers–late to marry). I feel panicky about Anna’s babyhood slipping away, because even though I’m 44, I would love more children! Husband has struggled with the poor job market in the last year and a half, so I understand his “human” reasons for having a surgery; they all make sense. But God’s ways don’t always make sense, and I didn’t agree with the surgery. I will struggle with contentment now as Anna leaves her babyhood. I know counting my blessings every day will help. He is a good husband in many ways, so I am still blessed.
Anyhow, praise God for men who think children are blessings! They don’t all adjust well to many littles.
CONGRATULATIONS!!! This is wonderful news! So excited for you, and for all you’ve learned through this experience.
This is so wonderful!! And it would be neat if your baby was born on May 10–that’s our anniversary.
I know what you mean and I say Amen. But you are not only his slave, you are his beloved and precious child.
Dear Mrs. Parunak,
Congratulations!! What a blessing to be carrying another little one. May God keep you well and give you the strength you need as you mother all 5.
Your posts have been a tremendous blessing to me! I am thankful for God’s work in your life and your sharing of Him and His truths.
With joy and peace in Christ,
Sherry Lauser
Congratulations!
Greetings from Germany!
Thank you for this post. I know JUST where you are at this moment. Last week we found out we are expecting number seven. I’m 44 years old and have not conceived in four years so I was convinced my child bearing days were through.
Then two pink lines!
I’m elated!!! And, surprised. Why three years with no baby? Why now? Why did the Lord find me worthy of another when He’s so richly blessed me already? These are not for me to ponder. I too, am the Lord’s slave and I will serve Him with gladness!
Congratulations to you and your family!!!
God bless you in your pregnancy journey, and may you be blessed with a healthy little baby doll.
Congratulations!
happy congratulations! May the baby or babies be blessed with happy dancing time in your womb as you rejoice in God’s timing. ..had you been pregnant last month it would have been with a different baby, this is God’s desire for you.
A happy congratulations to you! We are expecting our fourth little blessing this spring and are overjoyed!
Happy mother of five!! You are not one to get discouraged long or take too long to learn whatever lessons God is teaching you. And yes, you are a good mommy and God has chosen this blessing for you. How fun!
Congratulations!! What wonderful news! I am very happy for you. I am also looking forward to reading lots of inspiring and thoughtful posts as your pregnancy progresses.
Peace and blessings,
Adele
You have a remarkable way with words – I had to go back and read the original ‘single line’ post and it was a blessing to get both sides of the story at once. You know I understand where you were and where you are now. Many, many blessings for your and hubby!
Congratulations!
And I will repeat my hope for you: healthy octuplets!!!!
I’m just now getting a chance to treat myself to catching up on your posts, and wanted to pop in to say congratulations!!!
Also, I can really relate to having to surrender your life (and fertility) to God’s plan on a new level. I always just assumed that we’d be able to have children whenever we wanted to, so when we gave up contraception I assumed that the only issue would be how to handle a large family. Lately I’ve had a few gentle reminders to help me see that fertility is a GIFT, and it might not always be there.
Thanks for a wonderful post!
How very wonderful! Many blessings.