It happened again.
I don’t think very fast. And when it comes to saying brilliant, gracious, God-glorifying things on the fly, I take my inspiration from the Apostle Paul, whose “bodily presence [was] weak, and his speech contemptible.”
This time we were at the vet’s office for our little deaf spaniel’s annual check-up, and the friendly vet was being highly complimentary of my children.
“You have the best kids in the world,” he said.
“Thank you,” I answered flustered, thinking way too hard about how, yes, of course they are unbelievably wonderful, incredible gifts from God, but how they also have so far to go, naturally, and how I feel so inadequate to help them get there, and how maybe I should say something about how really I’m depending every day on the Lord because this is actually beyond my abilities, but then that might sort of be uncooperative and falsely modest, and he was probably just being nice and making conversation, and…”
“That’s a reflection of you and what a good job you’re doing with them,” he said.”
OK, now that wasn’t true. It is only the gracious, miraculous hand of God that holds me together. On my own I am a disaster. I know this because a few months ago, someone was telling me about a mother of four who was feeling overwhelmed and struggling with anger, and you know what I thought? Heh. It was one of those glorious “God will strike you down” moments. Yeah. I thought, “why doesn’t she just buck up?” Go ahead and laugh. I deserved it. And, maybe you can guess what happened next, too. It was like God pulled His hand back just far enough to introduce me to myself. Within a day, I was crumbling into evil. I was the meanest, grumpiest, most unloving mommy ever: shouting, fleeing to my bedroom, the works. I think of this when I get compliments on my mothering.
For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure. –Philippians 2:13
The vet was smiling, making conversation. I was blushing, tongue-tied. I wanted so much to turn this to the Lord and His glory because He’s the only One who deserves any glory, even for my meager mothering and my children’s good behavior this morning at the vet’s office. But I didn’t. I stammered, “thank you,” and made a few unintelligible little sounds as I wracked my brain for brilliance that never came.
Sigh.
Next time (if the Lord gives me a next time), I want to do better. I want to have some good answers ready when someone sees the Lord’s grace in my family’s life and mistakenly attributes it to me or my mothering abilities. So I thought I’d ask all of you, what do you think I should have said?
I have four children ranging in age from 18 months to 8.5 years. I am overwhelmed every minute of the day…until the last one falls asleep. And then I am overwhelmed by my messy house. And I consider myself a firm parent–not giving in when pushed. Most of my thought life consists of questions about how they’ll turn out, with such an imperfect Momma.
If I had heard the same comment, I would have said exactly what you said, because my thoughts would have turned immediately to how imperfect I am, and to my guilt and shame. And I wouldn’t have been able to articulate a single thing beyond “thank you”.
Anyhow, God will use your thank you for his glory!
We get that quite often as well, usually after a church service (where, we, of course, feel as though our children were completely out of control.
). We usually say “God has blessed us with the patience for their training!”, or “God never gives anything us without expecting we will do good with it!” 
And of course God will give you a “next time”… He likes us to grow through challenges. (Hence, ahem, children!)
You know I am “dial a quip”–put my number on your speed dial.
But really, sometimes the best thing to do is to say THANK YOU humbly. I remember this one family used to belch a “praise God” after any compliment anyone ever gave them. It became nauseating, canned and insincere. I think a sincere “thank you” is never out of line.
But I think what you were looking for is a way to acknowledge God and use this as a way to testify of his goodness, right? I think I have said, “the Lord helps us” or something small like that. If they “bite” I will often talk of the Lord with them. If they seem offended by it, I ask if they have children or make a dumb joke. Each situation is different, and the last thing you need to do is feel guilty. I’m always amazed at how perfectly intelligent strangers do not see how “bad” the kids are. LOL.
thanks for saying I was AWESOME.. not sure what you were referring to, but thanks all the same.
Hi Mrs. P,
It’s tricky to find a balance between graciously accepting a compliment (undeserved or not) and dropping an unexpected sermon on someone, isn’t it? At least for me it is… but then, I tend to over-think these things sometimes.
If I had my wits about me I’d probably just nod my head and say something like, “That is purely the grace of God, my friend, because I feel like I’m just muddling through!”
But how lovely that he noticed, and said something to you. (Makes you wonder who had been in his office earlier, yah?!)
Julie
Well, I would have said…..
Well, you know what I would have said…
Next time dear sister, next time. All we have to do is pray for the opportunities and the Holy Spirit will provide the words. Maybe, you prayed for an opportunity lately?
Attribution to the grace of God is something many folks do, but swinging the conversation full force back to a blood stained cross is the difficult portion of such an encounter.
Inspiration: “What do I have to lose?”
Answer: “Nothing, you started this life with nothing, acquired everything you have, and will leave with absolutely none of it.”
Remedy: “What better reason to cast all your reputation, cares, or pride aside and say, Jesus Christ the messiah has enabled me to be patient, peaceful, loving, longsuffering, and gracious. Had I not turned from my wickedness and trusted in his righteousness, my only hope would be in the power of men, and my own power is insufficient not on just some days, but EVERYDAY.”
“So, Dr. Who, do you trust Jesus Christ as your saviour? Have you thought about death?”
The righteous are as bold as lions, but the wicked flee when no man pursueth.
Fear not man who can kill the body, but fear God who can kill the soul…
-Your friendly neighborhood hypocrite
Not having children of my own (yet), I don’t have much to add! I do want to say this, though: Is it bad that I’m somehow encouraged know that you (who I hold in high esteem) have your breaking-down-and-fleeing-to-you-bedroom days? Because I can *so* see myself having those without some miracle every day of my life.
And also, your anti-spam words amuse me. Today they are: “Reviling acute.” Heh.
I agree, the whole “praise God” thing can sometimes sound haughty even though technically you are reflecting the praise. Kinda like, “well praise God that he helps us know how to raise our kids right in this world of awful bratty children.” okay that might seem a little extreme.
Honestly it is a reflection on your parenting when your kids are loving. Love and joy reflects love and joy that you give, which does ultimately come from God. A lot of parents do not choose to reflect that love and joy on their kids.
I have said things like, “it is a good thing God works through our weaknesses, because otherwise we would be a serious mess, or something like that.
Children are an incredible blessing; but they like the rest of us are depraved human beings. You could respond with a “what???? these wretched sinners? It’s a good thing they are cute!” (just joking.)
Usually though, in all honestly, when people say things like that to me I just respond with an honest “thanks, they bring us more joy than we could have imagined.” That in itself is a testimony.
On the reverse side when my kids are acting up in public (like one time at the grocery store) I have had to come up with something to say as well, to the young girl at the counter with the engagement ring and horrified expression of “I will never have kids if they are going to cry like that!) I usually say something like, “don’t let this fool you, kids are such a blessing!” then that in itself spurs on a conversation.
I can relate to this post only too well. I usually say “Thank you, God is good.”
I’m sure He’ll give you another opportunity – these tests and lessons, they keep repeating. Something simple about it being a reflection of God’s grace in your lives would probably be a good thing to say.
I heard another mom answer when someone mentioned that she must be very patient/smart/organized to homeschool: “(Laughter) I don’t know about that, but God is good. “
You know what I’ve found though – often when I feel “tongue tied”, I think it’s really the Holy Spirit holding my tongue. I realize after the fact how much I wanted to give the perfect response that would speak of my God and Savior… and in that I see that I wasn’t allowing His Light to shine through me but I was trying to capture His Light and put it into my flashlight where I could purposefully direct the thoughts and attention of my audience. What I’m learning again and again though is that God knows exactly where other people are and what they need to witness and hear. Sure, it goes against contemporary teaching that equips us with a response for every scenario, but despite the sincere intent of such teaching, God actually has a better grasp on things and I’m learning to trust Him that sometimes it’s just as important to let my mere presence silently compliment the work God is already doing in another heart.
Carl and I were talking about compliments just the other day. He said he just responds at the level he thinks the compliment was given. So, if a coworker told him in passing that his project was great, he’d just say “thanks so much” and appreciate the appreciation. If, on the other hand, somebody sat him down and told him that he was so talented and fabulous and such an inspiration, he would still thank them and then mention his blessings from both God and other artists who have helped shape his own work.
That made a lot of sense to me.
I also know lots of people who will praise God for the state of their meatloaf, and while the understand the thought behind it, I really do, part of me thinks that the most gracious thing is just to accept the compliment in the spirit it was given. I think sometimes we can read too much into what people are saying. Most folks don’t really mean “you must be a 100% fantastic mother and all of your choices must be wonderful—in fact, you probably don’t even need a Savior!” when they say “Your kids are really well-behaved.” I like to think that sometimes compliments from others are at the spiritual prompting of God. He knows we need encouragement. And, I think sometimes he uses complete strangers to show his love for us.
Wow… I loved reading what other people thought of this. Seeing as each time someone commends glory in my life, I simply say “Thank you”.
I’m thinking you were thinking about Herod in Acts 12? and maybe you’re thinking of always being ready with an answer, giving a reason for the hope that is in you a la 1 Peter 3? That’s what I think about anyway.
God is good, gracious and merciful and I’m so glad he hasn’t let the worms eat me yet. *wink*
and Jena is, as always, hilarious and smart.
How about a gracious “Thank you… we enjoy our kids so much!” or “Thanks… they are such a blessing to us!” If he continues to discuss the subject, you could take the conversation to a deeper level.
Sometimes, it is just our lives (in this case, pleasant children and parents that obviously enjoy them) that are a good witness to the unsaved…
I’ve struggled with taking a compliment that wasn’t really “mine” too, but I think that sometimes the most gracious response (not making the compliment-giver feel rejected or put down) is simply a humble “thank you”.
Hi-
I just found your blog and this very interesting post.
I can sympathize with the desire to say just the right thing, or something “brilliant”, as you noted. I used to get really annoyed when I wanted to “speak with tongues of angels” but came up with, “uh…uh…uh, huh.”
But I think that kind of reasoning comes from a (don’t take this wrong) flawed view of what God expects of us. He does not necessarily require us to be brilliant, just faithful, and more importantly trusting and yielded. Were you trusting the Lord to work through you as He willed during the day and available to be used or not, as He chose, when this happened? If so, then you can rest assured that if He wanted you to say something more that He would have given you the words. If not, then you were relying on your flesh to come up with something that would glorify Him when the Biblical fact is that in our flesh dwelleth no good thing and He will not give His aid to the flesh.
Another way of asking that same question is, were you really looking to Him to glorify Himself or were your eyes on YOU, hoping that YOU would glorify Him (if you see what I mean)? One way to diagnose that is whether you are suddenly anxious, as though you are on the spot and don’t know what your “line” is supposed to be, accompanied by a certain self consciousness (eyes on self and not the Lord and the other person’s need). Anxiety is not a fruit of the Spirit, as so would serve as an indication that we are operating under the power of the flesh, when it is present.
I have adopted the policy of simply waiting on the Lord to give me the words He wants me to say, if He wants me to say anything, and if He gives me nothing then to just trust Him with that. He knows the other person’s heart and what they need, whereas we do not. I have found that there times when it was indeed best that I say nothing, and others that the words God gave were apples of gold in settings of silver. However, whenever I violate this principle it is just sheer disaster.
Maybe it’s not bad at all that you found nothing to say. Perhaps that was just God knowing best.
“Thank you” is plenty. As Mrs. Santos suggested, “Thank you, God is good” is very nice and appropriate. People are taking notice of God’s grace in your life. The questions will come eventually about the source of that grace or your ability (which you can then turn to God). People will ask you about the source of your hope.
The other day my husband complemented a family on their children, and the response was perfect. The dad just nodded and said “We’re blessed.”
I like the simple “thank you” response, but I thought this was even better because it seemed like it didn’t even occur to him to take credit. He did not interpret the comment as being about him in any way. Thanking someone for saying my kids are great is polite and appropriate, but sometimes I feel awkward about assuming that it is a compliment to ME. Does that make sense? Like if someone said something nice to me about my husband, it would be weird to say “thank you.” It would be more appropriate to agree with them! And since I am infinitely familiar with my own failures and inadequacies as a mother, I know that whatever grace my children are exhibiting is exactly that. Grace. Not something I earned. Rather, they are wonderful in spite of all my mistakes!
This sweet dad went on to say that he thought God had given him good kids because “He doesn’t give us more than we can handle, and He knows I couldn’t handle any more.” A gentle, humble perspective.
Brandi,
What an awesome response! I love it.