It’s been open season on Pharisees lately. They make good sport, and you don’t even need a license. All it takes is a scathing anecdote about a time someone who has a larger subset of convictions than you do behaved badly. This is often offered as proof of the pernicious legalism of a given belief.
The classic example of this is, of course, the tale of the hot-headed guy who doesn’t think boys should come to church with hats on. We’ve all heard stories about him, and as soon as he shows up, you know there’s going to be trouble, kind of like in an old Western when the music changes and the screen is filled up with an ominous figure in black. Yeah, so Mr. “Don’t you know not to come into God’s house with a hat on?” usually winds up turning purple and bellowing something about “disrespect,” and for extra bonus points sometimes even rips the hat off the poor kid’s head. The boy in the story is usually some unchurched, pitiful urchin who was really nervous about coming to the meeting this morning, and now he’ll never be back. And did you hear the one about the CANCER PATIENT who was self-conscious about the fact that he’d lost all his hair due to chemo? Yup, the purple-faced Pharisee ripped his hat off, too. And that’s a true story. Which is why we, here at Loving Church of the Gracious Christian would never, and I mean NEVER, say that God wants men to take their hats off at church.
Listening to stories like this is really hard for me. People aren’t actually arguing with an idea or even taking it seriously. They’re just generally accusing anyone who holds the idea in question of legalism and self-righteous not-niceness. So, what happens if you actually believe some of the “Pharisaical” things, the things that everyone’s got a story of someone’s behaving badly about? Like say you read 1 Corinthians 11, and wow, it sure looks like it’s dishonoring to the Lord for a man to pray with his head covered, and aren’t men supposed to pray in church? Hmm. So maybe men might want to take their hats off? But who wants to get lumped in with the purple-faced, bellowing buffoon of the Pharisee tales? After enough guilt by association and standing condemned for other people’s offenses, the temptation, at least for those of us who like conflict only slightly better than root canals, is often to pretend that maybe we don’t feel quite as convicted as we once thought.
But is clamming up and shutting down the best way to deal with other people’s bad behavior? Or is there something better we can do when dealing with hurting people with genuine baggage who are judging us based on our convictions?
First, we need to be very firm on the hundred-thousand-dollar question: Is it possible to believe in something that most other people don’t WITHOUT becoming a self-righteous Pharisee? It has to be. Otherwise, all Christians everywhere would necessarily be self-righteous Pharisees since the very nature of Christianity is believing things that the general population does not believe. Either being a Christian at all automatically makes you a self-righteous Pharisee, or there’s hope. And if there’s hope, then it doesn’t really matter how large or small your subset of convictions is, or whether or not someone turned purple over something you believe. You can still hold your convictions (no matter how conservative or unusual they are) in love.
Love, of course, means following all of the Lord’s commands, including the ones about meekness, patience, gentleness, and long-suffering; you know, the ones that mean you shouldn’t turn purple, bellow, or rip off cancer patients’ hats. It also means remembering your own sinfulness and how very far you have to go on your own journey.
And then, it means having genuine compassion for those who have been hurt. We need to acknowledge the sin of the purple-faced Pharisee and make sure that the person who’s sharing the story understands that we are not excusing the bad behavior in the slightest. Then we need to point out gently that the fact that someone who believed a certain way hurt them actually has nothing to do with whether or not the underlying belief is valid, kind of like we can condemn the Crusades without ditching Christianity.
We can have compassion on those who’ve been hurt by people who equate righteousness with grand multiparity and look down their noses at the infertile, while still believing in the prudence of letting God decide our family size. We can be genuinely sorry for the smug elitism that working mothers sense from the stay-at-home crowd, while still believing that home is where mothers should strive to be. And we can be horrified for the cancer patient whose dignity was compromised, while still believing that men ought not to pray with their heads covered.
We are not responsible for the behavior of the purple-faced Pharisee, and we shouldn’t be cowed by it either. We shouldn’t let someone else’s bad behavior rip the conviction right out of our heads.
Great post. Thanks so much!
high brow, indeed. I had to look up: multiparity. I think what you are saying is that we should hold our own convictions firm without being unloving toward those who see things differently. We can not impose our views on others, nor can we “enforce” them–especially ripping off people’s hats, etc. I can relate. When an elder of our meeting asked if I would work with a young lady who was not modestly dressed, my first thought was: how can I alter her outward appearance without working with the inside first? I am not a washing machine. Put the kid in, and out comes a clean product. Immodest dressing is just one of the outward expressions of what is going on in the heart. And working with the heart of someone takes a very long time. The outward has to come later–and in God’s timing. Shall we demand outward conformity? (such as men and hats or women in dress) Where is the heart,then?
And are we truly concerned for the soul involved? Do we LOVE them? Can we be patient while they are learning? There is no substitute for love, is there?
I know of a young man with alapecia? (where they loose their hair at a young age). Can you imagine the stress of having to remove his hat?
Anyway, I am in total agreement. And YES we should confront the Pharisee in each of us and in some cases, the one in the other row.
Grace ~ it’s all about giving and receiving God’s grace. This is a wonderful post.
I understand exactly what you are saying. As someone who struggled with weight issues due to a season of very, very bad health. I experienced this type of thing and have a very good illustration that helps me when I see someone who calls themself a Christian but isn’t acting like one yet.
I had to go to the Doctor and get weighed in. When the nurse weighed me she turned her head and kind of looked down on me. About to lecture me. I threw up my hands and war whooped. I had officially lost 50 pounds. She was shocked. “You are happy about your weight?” She was stunned.
“Oh yes, if only you know how much weight I have lost, you would be celebrating with me instead of lecturing me about how I have to lose more weight.” She actually smiled and asked me to tell her more and then did congratulate me.
The Doctor, however, did not even introduce himself before he launched into a tirade of how I had better lose weight and how it was better to starve myself completely if I had no self control. I left in tears. I was derailed for a day, then pushed it away and went on to lose more and finally LOOK the way I was eating and exercising. Which was with MUCH discipline and hard work…it just took me a long time to recognize the problem, find a solution and then a LONG time to get back to where I should be to start with.
I think back on my time as a Christian and how much God has done in my life. Going back even a few years I would be in much rebellion and in no way aware of it. I was the type of person I would avoid today and had the current me been rude or unkind about it…I would probably have gone in the wrong direction.
So think of it this way, some Christians are skinnny people temporarily trapped in chubby bodies and are working very, very hard ..but you just can’t see it yet. Encouragement and love and offering to steer them in the righ way is the best way to go.
I’ve been thinking for a good long while about the “mainstream” church and wondering if it’s at all what Christ would think his sacrafice was meant for. I don’t really know what else to say except that for a long time now, I am just unsure of the real purpose of being a pew warmer… hope that doesn’t offend.
When I was young and zealous I really meant to put my faith into action!! Not sit and listen and not to teach my kids the doctorine of men.
again I am just not sure that church is all it’s cracked up to be and apologize if that is the wrong thing to say.
Trish.
Reading this prompted the following verses to come to mind:
“For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.” (Romans 12:3)
“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” (Philippians 2:3)
Trish,
I have a lot of sympathy for what you’re saying here. I absolutely agree that there is very little worth in pew warming. Faith is meant to be put into action! After all, “faith without works is dead” (James 2:20).
I would encourage you and your family to pray and really think through what you feel God would have you do to put your faith into action. Do what you can with the believers you’re meeting with now, or seek another kind of fellowship if you need to. Our family has been very encouraged meeting with a home fellowship for quite some time now that is seeking to follow the patterns of the early church and build a cohesive and need-meeting community.
This was just wonderful. A needed encouragement and exhortation. It’s been great to catch up on your blog today–haven’t been on here in a little while! God bless!
Dear Mrs P, what exactly is a pharisee in the Gospels? Aren’t they self-righteous priests not everyday people just trying to do the best they can? Isn’t that why teachers are judged by a higher standard as people look up to them and they have power. Mary’s son taught in his own hometown and no one listened to him, but they didn’t label Mary a pharisee because of her standards, Pharisees were the priests who were paid by tithes etc and bossed everybody around. I don’t see many christians doing that.From Linda.
Linda,
You are quite right that in the Bible, “Pharisee” is a technical term that nobody would have thought to apply to someone who was just trying to follow the Lord. However, today people use the term quite frequently as shorthand for “you are being self-righteous and legalistic, splitting hairs in some areas, and ignoring sins in others, just like the Pharisees did.”
Wow. Wow. What an amazing post! “We shouldn’t let someone else’s bad behavior rip the conviction right out of our heads.” I completely agree. We’re never going to live up to the Lord’s standards; that’s a given in this fallen world. But trying and failing to do so isn’t an indictment of Christianity; rather, it’s evidence of just how much we need God!
Compassion is so important. We’re called by the Lord to minister in love to those who have been hurt. He’s equipped each and every one of us with talents to do so, wherever we are – whether that’s at home, in the U.S., in Europe, on a trip, or – anywhere else.
God has such strong love and compassion for widows, orphans, the sick, and those in distress. May we be vessels of His love to those whom He wishes us to serve.
Blessings,
Luci
True. I had someone tell me recently that they did not care for a person because they were so “opinionated.” Sometimes having strong opinions is just strong convictions and we should stand by them.
This is such a crucial issue and it goes beyond some of the typical things Christians argue about. What about the big stuff? Like homosexuality? I live in an area where a lot of people claim that life style, including people that call themselves Christian. I understand specific things from Scripture about that. But how do we live in this world and communicate God’s love even when we disagree?
The other day I overheard a gay guy that I know say that he had visited a certain sub-denomination of Christianity and they wouldn’t let him be a member of their Church but at least they “didn’t hate me and tell me I was going to hell like all the other Christians do.” I felt like someone had punched me in the gut.
Shane Claiborne says that Christians have an image crisis. With the top three impressions of Christians being, homophobic, hypocritical and judgmental.
I think about this a lot. How would Jesus have us act?
Good stuff. I think you’re absolutely right that we need to keep our convictions even if they’re shared by purple faced buffoons we don’t like very much. On the other hand, I’ve gotten stuck in way too many Christian hot topic debates that aren’t even useful… wonder if all of us believers got less worked up about “our” convictions and more worked up about His work??
Trying to be a warrior for truth and a sacrificial servant at the same time is tough, no question. Let me know if you get it figured out, cuz I struggle with this every day.